Dear Santa,
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It's Christmas once again. You know, I once believed in you, but year after year, my faith in you disappeared. Why, you may ask. Plenty of reasons if you ask me.
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To begin with, I never ever received the presents I always asked for. Toy cars, big guns, dizzying contraptions (not contraceptives)... all pleas were in vain! What did I get? Socks! Thanks for the absurdly practical gift! My loyalty to you began dying.
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Secondly, you were supposed to stuff stockings with delightful candy. Not those crappy Hello Panda choco biscuits bought for 60 cents a pack at the store downstairs. Granted they are delicious,but hey, you are from the North Pole, some exotic delight would be nice here at the equator.
Thirdly, how the hell do you enter our houses in Singapore? Legend holds that you climb down the chimney, but look around you - there aren't any? We live in flats! Maybe you abseiled down the walls, sneaking from house to house, floor to floor. With a heavy burden of presents. Wow, you could give the special forces guys a run for their money. You could teach them!
Speaking of which, where do you park your sleigh? This is Singapore - without the permit you could get fined for illegal parking. Or worse, it could be towed away! And what about the reindeers? Do you leave them there chewing grass while you run off on your errands? That's vandalism - it's a crime. Not too mention all that poop.
How do you get here anyway? Flying over the airspace of 3 sovereign nations, each with their own highly-strung air force - getting here must be exciting. Do you sweat? Or perhaps they can't see you because you have Stealth Technology! Wow.
The more I think about it, the more improbable it becomes. Love to hear your thoughts on the matter.... if ever.
Merry Christmas,
Kenneth
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